A little about me and my Blog.

i consider journal writing/bloging theriputic. it is also a historical record of events in my life. it exist purly for my own benifit. i do alow others to see it that i trust only for the reason that they might better understand me or relate to something and have it help on some level on the road of life.

i am also working on my personal memroir on webook.com and my journal recordings assist me to tell as compleate of a story as possible. i am not looking for fame or sypathy or anything else that may be evoked in a person who reads my writings. The only way i would hope my writing wouuld effect others is that it will give them a sence that they are not alone, and hopefuly encorage them to keep on puting on foot in frount of another.

God has recently given me a vision of how to help others that have been though abuse. "Hope and Healing" was started in 2001 as on online suport group for abuse survivors, it is being tranformed in to a actual place on earth instead of in cyber space.

Friday, August 13, 2010

whats wrong now

for some reason i have a hard time conecting my emotiuonal issues iwth the reasons that is causieng the issues. it's like i don't expect to have an emotional reaction to the things in life... or manybe not expect to have as strong of an emotional reaction as i do. it's like a part of me expects to go though life with an all scientific antalitical perspective and another part of me has only an emotional reaction ... and the two sides don't comunicate. ... google here i come....
ok, two of a million some leads aply to what i feel i am experiancing...
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=8&ved=0CDoQFjAH&url=http%3A%2F%2Fptsd.about.com%2Fod%2Fselfhelp%2Fa%2Femotionbeliefs.htm&ei=mrxlTLCcFML38Aa_2ZnZCA&usg=AFQjCNGj7LHjk_GjggvrDW-X28QefzCtCA&sig2=k_kzpjZ6DQzpk041XEUZ8g
and
http://www.ldpride.net/emotions.htm

misbelifes about my emotions and shame and fear about what people might think about me if they knew more about me, this fits in so many ways to this week... i was having some difucultys with my meds and i was so scared that if i didn't straghten it out that people would think that i am not compedent enough to handle my own life.



ok this line "people with PTSD might try to block the expression of positive emotions because they worry that it will make them vulnerable "

i feel like with my friends i either have to be fake and put on a got it all toghter act or i'm vulnerable... and with friends i'm willing to be vulnerable... but... i'm worried that i make myself too vulnerable.... idk... some things are still bugging me... that delicate balance between myself and another person... i guess i just feel like i can never have a true healthy relationship with anyone... thus i'm still single, live by myself... my life is constant chos... i feel like i need to learn to love and trust, but i also feel like i'm setting myself up for devistation if i alow myself to be vulnerable... guess i'm back to my theroy that life would be so much eiser if i was a hermet.
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1 comment:

  1. James_BondAugust 29, 2011 at 1:12 AM

    what are O comments? Its not easy searching this whole web like a mind reader. My back hurts.

    ReplyDelete

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