All my life i have listened to the lies that im worthless and incapable of having any value to anyone. i longed so much for aproval and acceptance. then i relaized i valued the wrong things... when i changed my focus to God and started to seek only His heart, that's when i found my value... from Him and through Him and to Him ... are all things.
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FW: Trust the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding

Subject: Trust the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding

Sometimes the lessons are to go deeper in an area of life... trust the Lord with all of you heart, lean not on your own understanding. in all of your ways acknowlage the Lord and He will make your path straight. dare to experiance how deep that promise goes and just how straight and easy that path can become. surrender your heart to the Lord God forever. His ways are higher He is our provider. His love cast out all fears...

Oh what peace we often fordfit, oh what needless pain we bear

oh what peace we often forfit, oh what needless pain we bear... all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. even if we think God will not have an answer for the small thing, if we assume that and not give Him the chance we are cutting off the chance for a blessing. when we are quick to respond to a teaching with saying its not for us before we prayerfuly consider if God is trying to tell us something through that person, we are cutting off a chance for God to bless us and grow us. often the things we dismiss the fastest are the things God wants us to hear the most because the devil wants us to hear it the least. the power that was released into my life when i got this lesson has been an unstopable force for God. without this power i would accomplish nothing and just keep beating my head against the wall in frustration that things are not moving fast enough or going right. it changed from being in the wrong place at the wrong time to always being in the right place at the right time and having that overwhelming experiance of being God's child, loved and accepted by Him. it gave me the power to defeat the devil in areas he had me traped before, the power to overcome things that i never believed possible. Sent with Verizon Mobile Emai

Lord more Love of thee i need.

Once earthly joy i craved, sought peace and rest; now thee alone i seek; give what is best: this all my prayer shall be, more love, o christ to thee. more love to thee, more love to thee!
let sorrow do its work, send grief and pain; sweet are thy messengers, sweet their refrain, when they can sing with me, more love O Christ to thee, more love to thee, more love to thee.
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Because of what Christ has done for me, i make this declairation

Because of what Christ has done for me, i make this declareation that i will be patient and kind. i will not boast or take pride in myself. i will not be reckless in my ways with others. i will not insist on my own way. i will not be eaisly provoked. i will not ponder the ways of evil or take joy in unrightous ways or joking, i will find my joy only in the truth, remebering that Jesus is the way the truth and the life. i will endure patiently the trials of the lessons of life with trust and faith in God's plan for my spiritual well-being. and i will place the well-being of others into God's hands and not carry on about their faults and stir up strife. I will ask God to help me in all these areas knowing that if i keep all of these things i will have power through God to do all things in His plan for me.

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the lessons never end in prepairing me for this ministry (and being compleatly healed whole and set free myself)... and they dont get eaiser either... well atleast yet... im hopeful that the biggies will all be done soon... my fear is being delt with... that moment when something scarry happens and sudenly im a little girl again running to the closet to hide... God is putting lots of those moments in my path. learning to deal with ppl when im terrified of them... and not just deal with them.... deal with them in Love.... my heart is being cut to the core while im shaking in my boots... my trust in God has to grow in all areas to rise through this lesson. trust in Him as my protector...which was the last lesson... so this is the rubber meets the road part... it is amazing how God puts all this in the right order.

FW: Separation

ive been wanting to study more about how the shepherd leads and protects sheep... seems like everytime i hear something about it, it is such a good lesson. there are so many things i want to study more... i want to hurry up and learn so i can get past my flaws faster... but when im learning im whinning about how harsh the lessons are. ive carried the christian lable since i was 13 ... other than a few years of unitarian wican and a few other self made creative names ... yet i still feel like such a baby christian in so many ways. its like im learning everything again with new eyes... everything i thought i knew about God and life and everything... He is the potter and He does break us down and build us back up... i spent time on potters wheels... if ya take too long making a vase then the bottom dries out and flys off the wheel... its back to square one with re wetting all the clay and mixing it all togther again... its a very messy job... everything within 5 foot of the wheel gets covered in the slop water that keeps the clay wet... i can picture other vases and things waiting to be made getting anoyed at the slop mess comming from the vase on the wheel... i can hear the vase being sensitive and crying about the ugly mess it is creating in the potters hands... all the slop that gets splashed on the bystanders... to be a bystander... splashed by mud... no real change happening in their own shape and probaly feeling like they dont have a chance of being more than they are... stuck... splashed apon when they are trying their hardest to keep themselves clean... since it is all up to themselves at that time since they have not put themselves in the potters hands... they are broken pottery laying around waiting.. their peices scattered... trying themselves to protect what is left of themselves. shatter... hopeless... i spent a lot of my life in that spot. i still keep triping over myself thinking its up to me to fix and preserve myself... genneraly its been taking 2 weeks with each lesson ... 2 weeks before i relize i have to put it in Gods hands compleatly... 2 weeks to get through the steps and backsteps and the whole dance before surender. the roller coaster of it all... it gets to be a long werry road and i want that instant matrix style download so i can jump up and know how to do all the kung foo instantly... and sometimes God does simular to that with grace and wisdom... i can drive myself beyond crazy second guessing myself then when im sure of something i drive myself crazy thinking everyone else is second guessing me. i love it when im in the spirit... but then i wonder what everyone else is thinking of me and if they aprove... its like i need reasurance all the time... my mother never did the reasurance and good job stuff... she thought it would give me a big head.... so instead i have this whillwind of insanity to fight in my head. and i dont even know why im going on with all this right now... i guess its a menstral mood thing or something... im just so amazed at everything i see God doing... i did photography for a vbs 2 years ago... the little bracelett i still ware i got from there says "watch for God" at first i had to really look hard to see Him... i knew He was there but i wasnt experiancing Him... now im experiancing Him in so many overwhelming ways. i still feel so unworthy to be a part of Him. i still feel ppl look at my flaws and think im not a part. i know the trials im going through are to secure me in Him. i know the whispers in my ear from the devil that im just an anoying step child that isnt really wanted ... im just an obligation to Him... not really loved... God is breaking all that and healing all that so the devils arrows can no longer peirce my un armored heart. i know im still a pain in the butt to many ppl... but He is healing that too... i hope... i hope i get it right eventually... i hope i dont anoy too many ppl in the process... i have gone through so many sets of friends... so many groups of ppl... manybe they didnt get as tired of me as i thought they did... maybe i ran before giving them a real chance... maybe i wasnt ready for a real chance. i am now... but i worry that if something bad does happen that i wouldnt be able to handle another fail... but im seeing that God is there to catch me... and He provides the stranth to get through anything... but i dont want to have to go through everything... but the refining makes things more pure... more pure... i was so unpure... so unclean... i dont know how God can really get all those stains out... He is God... so he can do anything... but why does he bother with such messes... why does He keep holding on to things so dfar gone... He sees potental... is it possible that He really loves me that much to really see me through all this... thats a lot of junk to wade through... yet He keeps picking me up out of it every time... everytime i ran back to the swamp because i felt it was all i deserved.... He waited for the right time to offer me His hand to pull me back out. He waited till i desiered so much to be out of that muck that i would choice to ignore that lier that kept telling me that it was all that i deserved... with all the hope i could muster up to barly whisper out to Him for help... He was there. and even though i often feared He would drop me and leave me in the muck... i had to just stay with Him and give Him that chance... He keeps proving time and time again that He is faithful... trustable, dependable... how many time i wouldnt give anyone a chance... the first sign of troubles i would run... fearfull of abandonment... thinking if i cut the string first then it wouldnt hurt as bad. i need to get this story out to all those still there... all those still not sure that God will be faithful, all those beliving that they dont deserve the Love He has for them. i know abuse survivors are in that spot... but many others are too that grew up in fairly normal homes... anyone who questioned if they are loveable... ever... im guessing that is everyone at some point in their life. and i know many of those ppl walk around churches calling themselfs christians and dressing like one and talking like one as best as they know how... hoping that they will look enough like one to be grafted into Gods love... hoping they can do enough and be enough... they are the goats... and the marths and eores and the bobs... and all the other names we put on them... they are also the perfect looking family that seems to have it all togther. lets get real and help eachother heal.