anxity / hyper-vigalance

Anxiety, hyper-vigilance... I HATE this feeling (good sign to moving beyond), yet I’m stuck in it... WHY? I feel like my safety is in jeopardy, surrounded by dangers I’m not strong enough to fend off myself. I see God, but maybe only superficially - half afraid of what He will say is the solution, that it will be too hard for me. "I can do all things through Christ who gives us strength" ... but I’m not sure I can be spiritual enough to change this one. Grace fills the gap for us, so I guess that's what I really need right now, the tenderness and love of God because I’m not strong enough to make my way to being better on my own. The sense of failure on my part makes me feel so undeserving, yet failure is why gives grace, and undeserving is what is required for us to realize to be able to receive it. 4000 some years of all failures before Jesus came. I hope my suffering with this issue will not compare to 4000 years... I hope I "get it" sooner than that, that I need to accept grace. I hate this anxiety. I used to think it helped to protect me, now I see it hinders allowing God to protect me- the only one who really can is God. .