A little about me and my Blog.

i consider journal writing/bloging theriputic. it is also a historical record of events in my life. it exist purly for my own benifit. i do alow others to see it that i trust only for the reason that they might better understand me or relate to something and have it help on some level on the road of life.

i am also working on my personal memroir on webook.com and my journal recordings assist me to tell as compleate of a story as possible. i am not looking for fame or sypathy or anything else that may be evoked in a person who reads my writings. The only way i would hope my writing wouuld effect others is that it will give them a sence that they are not alone, and hopefuly encorage them to keep on puting on foot in frount of another.

God has recently given me a vision of how to help others that have been though abuse. "Hope and Healing" was started in 2001 as on online suport group for abuse survivors, it is being tranformed in to a actual place on earth instead of in cyber space.

Monday, February 9, 2009

tell me whats going on, tell me what's going on

so everything is very wild right now. i'm finaly moved out of dan's, and now i'm living on a friends couch... wich has isues of its own... i just don't understand why i'm not "ok" why i keep feelling like a bad person that needs to be hurt and punished. i know part of it is that it is hard to feel that i deserve to be treated eny better than i was in the past, and there are many trigger happening. i'm concetering a intense treatment place. i have so many mixed feelings and i don't know if it's the devil... i hate getting in the habit of blaming him, but i don't know how to make sence of it all. it seems like every 3-5 years i'm back on the bottom of everything. maybe i need to follow the leading to the treatment place and really hand my life over to GOd and stop trying to fix myself and grasp for straws that keep me going for short periods of time.
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